things that the idiot puppy has eaten

Well. It's possible that she's getting a touch too old to be legally called a puppy, but as long as we're going with maturity level no one will question the label, believe me.

Anyway, since it's winter break and I have free time, finally, I've been thinking it's probably time for my monthly blog, but a suitable topic didn't present itself.

And then during supper tonight, we were discussing Carson's eating habits, and Dad said, "At least she hasn't got hold of the mower yet."

A brief, loaded pause, and then my mother said, "Actually, honey..."

And I thought, But of course, that's what it needs to be. Let's see, what all has that dog eaten? Oh, it's a long list, friends.

1. The starter rope off our lawn mower. As it has been reported to me, the handle and a little bit of the rope is still left, but the rest is gone.
2. There was a plastic handle found in the yard today. We don't know what it was originally attached to. Whatever it was, it's gone now. How she stomachs these things I have no idea.
3. A green doormat...that people used to wipe their feet off on...after tracking their boots through horse stables and cow pens. Little bits of bright green are scattered across the front lawn. I say it makes the yard look more alive. Nobody has small enough feet for what's left, though.
4. She removed and partially maimed a Christmas light from the string on our fence. It's still a mystery, folks.
5. A solar yard light. Not totally eaten...dismembered and scattered across the yard.
6. Tissues.
7. Bite marks on several of my father's shoes, much to his discontentment.
8. A shovel handle.
9. Most of a basketball.
10. Several gloves.
11. Chewed the top off a can of spray paint, destroying the functionality if not the contents of the thing.
12. Part of a hose. Fortunately it was already out of use.
13. The seat off the riding lawn mower, which was stuffed with fiberfill, resulting in our yard being spackled in white.

Fun. So, so much fun. I feel like I must be forgetting something, because it really seems like she's been more destructive than that since she came to stay with us last January, but there you have it.

Don't you wish YOU had one?

acting like a man

I know, I know, it's been slightly over two months since I blogged, but I have a bone to pick. I'm not quite sure who it's with, but it begins with this phrase:

"If a woman wants to act like a man, treat her like one."

It's been going around my school for a while...shockingly, it's only boys who say it. My issue here is mostly with what it's supposed to mean, in this day and age, to "act like a man". I mean, what is acting like a man anymore? Wearing pants? (No, girls do that...) Carrying and/or being able to use a gun? (Not by a long shot. Look at Sarah Palin, for god's sake!) Fighting? (Heck no. Cat fights, people, and it's not like you exactly think of tomboys getting into those.) Using heavy machinery, fixing things, putting them back together, mechanics and that kind of thing? (I think not. Look, there are female mechanics. There are females who drive road graters for a living.)

In fact, I don't really see how there's a way to act like a man, really. Not anymore.

So if there's no acting like a man, how do you go about treating a girl like a man, and why is it considered a punishment in the first place? Yes, I'm going to treat you like a man by giving you higher wages and better opportunities for executive jobs. I'm going to treat you like a man by NOT automatically underestimating your physical strength. I'm going to give you a default position of higher regard in the majority of Middle East countries. Dear god, who would want to be treated like a man?

I'm not saying that there aren't differences between men and women--of course, there are. But modern American culture has gone a long ways towards blurring the line of what women "can" and "can't" do, and that sort of saying should be null and void by now.

(After a short eternity, I am trying to start blogging again. I kind of miss it. Suffice to say that school has started so maybe I'll have more to say now.)

So I just finished The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordian. It is possible that I am one of the last people in America to read this book, since virtually everyone I know already has and keeps saying that I need to read it, I really do.

I read it for my book club, and to be honest if it wasn't for the club I probably wouldn't have finished it.

I found Percy, the main character, to be kind of annoying in places, but mostly really naive. Not like I-was-a-little-sheltered naive, like I-am-a-moron naive. The boy walked into EVERY SINGLE TRAP in the book he could have possibly walked into, and it left you wondering why he apparently didn't inherit any brains from his father, who is a god and you'd think he'd be a little bit smart at least. Hey, camp counselor and buddy. I'd love to go hang out with you by ourselves, despite the fact that you are acting extremely weird and my fate includes betrayal by a friend! No problem! Let's go!

I like Annabeth and Grover, and a lot of the supporting characters. I found the modernized portrayal of the Greek gods amusing--such as the EZ Death line at the Underworld. Clever and all that.

Don't get me wrong. I can see why the books are popular. It's a tried and true formula--boy/girl discovers that he/she has some kind of superhuman powers, makes friends/sidekicks, makes a petty enemy, discovers that he/she has to save the world from something awful, and then goes and DOES save the world from something awful, temporarily vanquishing the petty enemy along the way.

It's just that I think it's a little old. And The Lightning Thief seemed very formulaic in parts to me, so I can't really say I loved it.

Oh well. I suppose I'm glad I read it, anyway.

Have you read it? What did you think?

yes, I was homeschooled. what's your point?

I was homeschooled--unschooled, technically--for five and a half years from a fairly small age. I never had behavior problems--certainly not more than what most little kids go through, at least. So it was a teensy bit annoying to hear, during a discussion of a little boy's behavior problems in the VBS I'm helping with this week, "I've got one thing to say to you--homeschooled."

Homeschooled? I thought. Now there's a word that I never associated with bad behavior. Sure, there are bratty homeschoolers, just like there are bratty public schoolers. But to say that homeschooling actually CAUSES bad behavior seemed a bit over the line.

"They have no structure," the woman continued.

No structure? My surprise increased. A good amount of the homeschoolers I know are very nearly as structured as public school--they worry about due papers and homework just like public schoolers. They borrow textbooks from resource libraries, they go through lessons. In many cases, it's not all that different from "normal" school (note the quotation marks).

"They don't have to learn," she said.

Okay, stop right there. Seriously. I was unschooled, which is the least formal method of homeschooling out there, and even I learned things all the time. I didn't learn one new math concept a day, I didn't do English worksheets, but it wasn't like I sat around and played video games constantly.

I'm sorry for the rant, but this is something that seriously bothers me. Homeschooling a child does not suddenly turn them ugly.

Honestly.

Time has been passing very funnily lately....really ever since school let out. The first week of summer crept by at a sloth's pace, and drove me insane. Since approximately Saturday, however, the sloth traded out for a red racer, and I can hardly keep up with what day it is.

Obviously, I have not blogged in a while. I think the reason is I feel there isn't really much to say that's interesting or fresh or relevant at the moment. I'll start a post and then think, "Eh, no one wants to hear about THAT. That's weird/embarrassing/dull," and delete it. Over and over again.

(Self-motivation is one of those things that I'm still working on.)

Summer is good so far and all...I've been doing a lot of writing (just not blog-writing) and reading, which is wonderful because I hardly have any time for pleasure reading during the school year. It's just that summer's not as crazy as school--not so many bizarre incidents, not as much drama (not that I'm sad about THAT).

So, bottom line is I'm having a bit of a bloggish writer's block. (Is bloggish a word? It should be.)

Over and out.

...and now we know

It has been a very educational year.

At times, slightly TOO educational.

Disregarding, for the moment, what I have learned when it comes to academia, here is a list of some things that the school year taught me:

1. If you are nice to everyone, they'll return the favor. There are exceptions to this rule, I suppose, but it works very well in general and I've certainly gained some friends through it.
2. When torn between social grace and having an excellent time, have an excellent time.
3. When torn between being cool/going with the flow and saying what you actually think, say what you actually think. Your conscience will thank you.
4. Run away from boys who throw frisbees at your head. Actually, run away from boys who throw ANYTHING at your head. It's not necessarily limited to frisbees.
5. If your teacher spells something wrong on the board, and you're fairly familiar with them, it's usually okay to point this out. Just don't do it if they're in a bad mood, because they don't appreciate it then.
6. If you pay attention in class and try hard to do well, your teacher will like you.
7. If anyone claims that they used to be married to you, sit as far from them as possible at all times.

See? Very educational. We'll see if ninth grade turns out this interesting (betcha it will).

sports for the uncoordinated

I am not athletic.

I don't mean that I'm lethargic or dislike exercise; I love walking and running and playing basketball and volleyball.

I'm just...horrible at it. Kind of hilariously horrible. I've learned to laugh at myself, let's say, when I try to return a volleyball and it goes straight up only to come down and bonk my head instead of going back towards whoever I was aiming at. Or when I'm dribbling and suddenly my hand goes awry and the ball shoots off to the side instead of bouncing complacently in front of me. I refuse to give up, even as those around me shout "Duck!" whenever I pick up any kind of sports equipment.

And I know that there are others like me. Let's face it, we have to get exercise SOME way.

Here is how I manage:

Volleyball Relay

This is whatever happens when I try to play volleyball: it goes the right direction sometimes, but usually it soars away from our intended destination. So we run after it.

...again and again and again. To be fair, we take turns. So it's like a relay, kind of. :)

Negative HORSE

Just like normal HORSE, you play with a basketball and everything and count up the letters. The only difference: Instead of adding a letter when you make a basket, you add a letter when you DON'T. We find the game goes much more quickly this way.

Fetch--Or On Second Thought, Don't!

Anyone with a mildly disobedient dog can play this! Just throw the ball and watch your dog fetch it and take off running at top speed with it. You get to run a lot in this game, so it's very aerobic and healthy. If the dog is just a puppy, this can be played with virtually any object--socks, shoes, china tea mugs, yardsticks, textbooks, whatever!

Twister With Socks

If you don't already--and you should--ALWAYS play Twister in socks. This makes it an even more interesting game and also ensures that it doesn't last too long. After all, if you play right, your arms and legs are twisted up with everyone else's, as the name implies, so once you go down, everyone else will too. Have fun, kids!

The safest thing to do, of course, would be to just jog or something, but where's the fun in THAT, I ask you?

No fun at all. And if you can't be good at sports, you should at least have heaps of fun while you play.

Over and out.

april

Well, Happy April (entirely unrelated to the Happy March, which is a combination of the robot and something else...maybe a foxtrot?...I can't remember), everyone! I don't know about you, but it's always been one of my absolute favorite months. Some reasons why:

1. The Williamson Lectureship. The only time of the year I get to be around some of the smartest, funniest people possibly ever. Science fiction authors are the bomb. End of story.
2. The High Plains Lesser Prairie Chicken Festival. If you've never heard of it, maybe you should take a moment to smother that incredulous laughter. It's BIRDERS, people, who are...well...some of them are kind of insane, but a lot of them are really cool and interesting and smart. Birding just sometimes gives people a touch of eccentricity.
3. Easter! Let's not forget Easter.

Plus, summer weather is beginning to arrive, though it is tempered most unpleasantly by wind.

A new addition to my April schedule that I'm not looking forward to so much? State testing. NMSBA and all that (jazz).

And that is all.

fun games you can play when you're sick

Sickness has a way of limiting one's recreational activities, and when one is on spring break, limited recreation is not good. Thusly, one has to get a little creative with one's activities in order to have fun. It is, however, possible.

1. How Long Can I Balance This Cup Of Tea On My Head Without It Spilling. Your parents may not approve of this one, boys and girls, but let me tell you: if you can get away with it, it's ridiculously entertaining!

2. Butler! Butler! This kind of only works if your household contains more than one computer and both you and a parent have facebook or instant messaging or something. If you do, however, here's how to play: Wait until a parent has signed on to some kind of social networking site. As soon as they're on, run and get on the other computer. Log on, wait a few minutes, and then message them and say: "Hey! I'm kind of thirsty. Could you please get me a glass of water or maybe some tea?" If they ignore you, don't give up. Message them again, boys and girls! This time, specify that you want sugar in your tea, and it has to be KOSHER sugar (is there such a thing? Heck if I know, boys and girls. Your parents probably don't know either. You will rely on this) and you also want 3.5 tablespoons of milk. Good luck with this game. It can have alarming results if you do it too frequently, so only once per sickness is pretty good.

3. Kleenexball. In this indoors alternative to basketball, contestants take turns shooting wadded-up Kleenex or generic tissue into a wastebasket. Can YOU make a three-pointer? (Solo play is also possible.)

4. What Are You Talking About? I'm Doing Just Fine. Only play this if you need to go somewhere that would not be ordinarily permitted under your parents' Where My Child Can Go When She Is Sick rules. This game is difficult, and involves cheery smiles and subdued coughing. Try not to blow your nose within range of parents. And whatever you do, DON'T hold that thermometer by a lightbulb! In fact, you may want to take it out of your mouth and blow on it to cool it off a little while the parent involved is not watching.

5. Help! I'm Being Held Hostage. If #3 fails to get you out of the house, try calling friendly neighbors. For best results, start it off with a good throaty scream. Then say, "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry but I just barely got away that time! Mrs. [Insert Neighbor's Name Here], they've been holding me in the cellar for days now! They're not feeding me, and I swear I can hear things scuttling around me in the dark. It's so scary! You've always been so nice to me. Can you come get me? PLEASE?" If it's working so far, end it off strong. Scream again and then say, "They've come for me!" and hang up. If your parents don't permanently ground you, it'll make a great story to tell the grandkids.

That should get you started! Let me know how these work out, incidentally. Obviously, some have more risks than others. :))))))

cookies

Not the computer kind. I'm talking about real, honest-to-goodness, chocolate-y, goodness-inducing cookies. The kind that cure PMS and other bad moods.

I have decided that everyone needs at least four cookies per batch made. Here is why.

1. You need two cookies minimum to have the opportunity to savor the pure, unadulterated flavor of the cookie itself. Lick the melted chocolate off your fingers. Smack your lips loudly.

2. One cookie (at least) should be dipped in cold milk. You can have more if necessary, but AT LEAST one.

3. One cookie, after you've sworn that you've eaten too many cookies already and you're done, should be secretly split with someone. You can pinkie-promise to not tell anybody else if it makes you feel better, because cookies are the quintessential comfort food and not to be taken lightly, but eaten with great joy and occasionally secrecy.

Cookies are a wonderful thing. Possibly God's greatest culinary gift to mankind. As such, they're really like potato chips: you can't have just one.

in which my brain is even weirder than we thought

This comes to you in two parts that join together in the end.

Part the First:

Ever since I was a very small child, I've thought of numbers in color. 1 was yellow, 2 was blue, 3 was orange, 4 was blue/green, etc. Odd numbers were warm colors, even numbers were cool colors. The only exception to this is 8, which is very distinctly pink. I don't consciously imagine colors this way, they just kind of...are. I don't know how to explain it.

BUT WAIT! I'm not crazy.

Part the Second:

This January, I read a book called The Name Of This Book Is Secret. Aside from being fabulous, it featured a synesthesete character. Synesthesia, I discovered, is when one's senses get all joined. When a synesthesete sees a skyscraper, he or she might taste strawberries or hear bells. A certain smell might evoke an image or a color.

The Joining of the Parts:

I was discussing this with my mother one day, and began to wonder if I had a mild form of synesthesia. Today, I finally looked it up.

Seeing numbers or letters in color is one of the most common forms of synesthesia.

So I have synesthesia.

Who knew?

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

chicken chasing and one-track minds

I know, I know--I already posted this as my facebook status so this post might be a little redundant. But I want to examine the scene of Carson's attempted killing in closer detail. (Not like GRAPHIC GORY BLOODY detail, though. Don't worry. You can keep eating.)

All right. There we were. By the sheep pen. A small flock of chickens was in front of us. (By "us" I refer to myself, Sandy the Intelligent, Thoughtful, Pacifist Dog, and Carson the Idiot Puppy.) We continued in relative peace as I reached the sheep pen and cooed at the widdle lambkins. Goochie goochie goo.

And then Carson saw the chickens in a new, predatory light. "It's prey, you fool," I'm sure her survival instincts were screaming at her.

She listened to the instincts.

One minute there we are, calm and collected and playing with the lambkins, and then

WHOOSH

she's off like a rocket after those chickens.

"CARSON!" I'm screaming, flying after her. She is quite a bit in front of me, and gaining distance. "CARSON! NOOOOOO! NO! STOP!"

She does not hear me. (Quote-unquote. I think she didn't hear me like I don't hear my mother when she tells me to do some cleaning.)

I run after her for several minutes, screeching at the top of my lungs as she chomps down on what I keep thinking is the chicken but is apparently only chicken feathers. (The poor thing's probably bald by this point--kinda like the picture.)

Finally, the chickens manage to escape and Carson bolts over to the barn, where I follow her and berate her heavily.

And we go home.

I am tired.

That is all.

excuses for not blogging

Not that it's been AGES and AGES, but I haven't posted in close to a week, and besides, excuses come naturally to me. ;) Without further ado:

1. I Was Busy. (Oh come on. This is a perfectly true excuse of course, and a reliable one, but in terms of interest and originality, it ranks pretty low. I mean, I use it as much as the next guy. Just sayin'.)
2. I Dropped My Computer Down The Laundry Chute By Accident. (See what I mean? Vastly more interesting. Though I admit to never having actually used it before.)
3. The Men In White Coats Came And Threatened Me. (Apparently they do not like my blog. :'( )
4. My Cat Ate Both My Hands And I Just Got Prosthetics. (...really, what more can you say?)
5. My Teacher Told Me That I Couldn't Blog Until I Finished The Rough Draft Of My Essay Which Is Due On Monday. (I guess you all know what I'm supposed to be doing right now.)
6. I Was Reading A Fantastic Book In My Spare Time Rather Than Blogging. (This is true too, but much more exciting than number one. Any of you read The Lost Conspiracy by the fabulous Francis Hardinge?)

Aaaaaand that's all I can think of for now. More later!

Katie

avatar: specifically, pocahontas and women's roles

[WARNING: this post will CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR AVATAR. If you intend to see this movie, look away.]

So, yesterday my mom and I went with this crazy-but-awesome friend to see Avatar. (Said friend has already seen it three times. But anyway.) And despite all the hype, I really liked it.

I say that because I have this theory that there's a direct relationship between how popular something is and how awful it is. But yeah. Avatar managed to be popular AND good. But I digress.

First thing I want to talk about: the similarities to Pocahontas (the Disney movie, not the honest-to-goodness real-life historical figure). Let us present:

1. "Civilized" guy stumbles into a wild world full of evil savages because guy is part of a mission to find gold/unobtainium.
2. Guy is subsequently discovered by beautiful, scantily clad savage girl. Savage girl is not so thrilled to find idiot on her territory (that part may apply more to Avatar than to Pocahontas. Bear with me. It's been a long time since I saw Pocahontas).
3. Guy freaks, but recognizes that he's dead meat unless he asks for beautiful savage girl's help, so he swallows his manly-man pride and DOES ask for savage girl's help.
4. Girl takes him in and teaches him The Ways Of The People.
5. When she takes him home to meet the parents, it's revealed that the girl's dad is the chief of the tribe and her mother is the wife of the chief of the tribe/spiritual leader of the tribe.
6. It is also discovered that girl has a Destined Husband/Mate. DHM is not so thrilled to find that he now has competition, and decides to make the competition's life as difficult as possible. ...Or, at the very least, be as mean and nasty as possible to him.

Yes, I think there ARE a few similarities there.

Okay, I think I've made that point clearly enough. Onto the role of women in Avatar.

Overall, I was really happy to find some girls who could actually kick butt in what is, in many ways, a straight-up action movie. Neytiri was this fantastic, smart, tough girl--but didn't come off as a Mary-Sue. Her mom, the spiritual leader of the tribe, was equally cool. Grace and Trudy, a scientist and a combat pilot respectively, were both smart and down-to-Earth, and I don't think either of them screamed once. No wuss damsel-in-distress types here!!

I don't believe I can say anything that hasn't already been said about the visual effects. Suffice to say that they were gorgeous, amazing, and breathtaking. Absolutely stunning. Aaaaand I'll shut up about that.

The cool eco-friendly message was really well presented, too...very nice.

So that was Avatar! And my opinion on it. Have you seen it/will you see it/did you like it?

Katie

coats, periods, and other double meanings

(Lefou, I'm afraid) I've been thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know), and have come to the conclusion that casual English is really very vague. Especially when you get into modern slang. This is largely, in my opinion, because we didn't make up NEW words for slang, oh no, we just used OLD words with a new meaning.

Heck, it took me months to catch up on all the subtly nuanced references to anatomy in conversations at my school.

A few words that can turn a conversation right around if the other guy doesn't know which definition you mean:

Coat. Are we talking paint, or are we talking garment?

Period. Are we talking punctuation, menstrual cycle, or even a passage of time?

Bad apple. Do we need to avoid that creepy guy outside the post office, or is it a warning against a bad culinary experience?

I'm only scratching the surface, I'm sure. There have to be hundreds of words with dangerous double meanings, and while they make English fun...in a way...they also make it incredibly annoying. Just sayin'.

And I'm not even starting down the slippery slope of "that's what she said".

Katie

the purpose of writing

In my English class the other day, as a part of our Series of Stupid Grammar Lessons That You Can Pretty Much Figure Out With A Little Common Sense, we were discussing the Author's Purpose (sorry for all the caps. Just stylistic). My teacher, speaking with some authority, said, "Authors always have a purpose in their writing. They don't just sit down and write for the sake of writing."

And I thought, "Oh, CRAP. They don't? Er, WE don't?"

Because, yes, if I'm working on a story I have a purpose, sure. I'm trying to tell a story! But sometimes, if I haven't written in a while, my fingers get a stiff and a little grumpy and refuse to cooperate with my head anymore so I open a notebook and uncap a pen and write. Just for the sake of writing. Just because it feels nice and soothing and comforting. Writing is my comfort food.

Back to the class, though.

Classmate 51, bless his perverted little soul, raises his hand and says, "My sister does."

"No," the teacher said. "She writes to tell a story or to convince somebody of something."

But for once, I think I was more on the same wavelength with Classmate 51 than I was with my teacher. Sure, I have a purpose if I'm working on a story. But there are also times that I write for no reason other than the pure pleasure of it.

I guess I can afford to cut my teacher some slack, though. She is many good things, but definitely not a creative writer in any sense of the phrase.

Katie

P.S. If you, dear reader, write, do you ever just write for the heck of it, or do you think you usually have a purpose?

yummy Japanese food and storywork

Let's start with the yummy Japanese food.

What is it, you ask? See the photo. The can looks like it SHOULD be orange juice, but it's actually kind of like that orange McDonald's drink. Which I like, so....yeah. Am not sure what the apple version of this canned "orange juice" will be like. Hm.

The other thing is little salty rice crackers with frosting on them, and they are absolutely delicious.

As to the storywork: Those of you who attend the Portales writers' group may remember a character I created at the last meeting named Orchid Rae. Her story is now unfolding at a wonderful rate, so I have something to work on over the weekend!

Katie

P.S. Thanks for the comments and the follows!

facebook complaints

FB has been giving me a lot of "oops!" messages lately. "Oops!" it will say cheerfully to me. "That file was too skinny! It cannot be uploaded!"

"What?" I say.

But my question is not answered, because FB has already been diverted by another error.

"Oops!" it cries in dismay, throwing its little pixel-hands up in the air. "The photo uploader won't work! You'll have to use the simple uploader," it informs me. "I'm very sorry."

By this point, I am somewhat exasperated. "I don't CARE," I tell it. "I always use the simple uploader anyway, because the new one doesn't work."

It becomes frantic. "What?" it says, echoing my question. "But all of the updates are GOOD and BETTER and, heck, they're just SPIFFY. Don't you think they're spiffy?"

"Sure," I say, "but also useless."

FB does not like me very much for this reason. I complain too much.

***

So, a new blog! I wanted to continue my iWeb one but it's super-slow for a PC to load--so I figured a web-based one would be better.

Um, bye?